2004-09-17 8:00am

I have absolutely nothing to offer money grubbers. So, ladies let me know, if you haven’t already been infected with the virus of the century, and I’m not talking about AIDS. My account at the bank of love, is wondering what the hell a guy has to do, to get in touch with you. I thought you were sick of assholes, but apparently nice guys do finish last. Oh well, I’m not gonna let some bullshit politics get in the way of my heart. I won’t believe that the only way to meet people is to get shit-faced, at some popular club. Okay, who am I kidding? I might’ve been able to play this game, before it became a twisted inversion of what I thought it was supposed to be. I know generalizations are worthless, so I won’t bother to make excuses as to why Red Thunder, was unable to get laid on Friday night. It’s not for lack of trying, though. I felt decent about my effort despite my feelings of attraction being warped around the pain of a demonic ex-lover. Also, gratitude goes out to Blue Lightning, for trying to rub off a little of his game on me.

I’m not sure about this Album, being a good way to divert the pain. The whiplash from this last relationship has got me running scared. Please trust your instincts about people, because, I got confused and somehow, killed myself, only I’m still alive. Sometimes, she calls me, and I pick up the phone, but I had only been dialed accidentally. Fuck you, Nokia!

Progress is slow. I have to believe that I’m getting better, or less weary, whatever. I’ve decided to take a more, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind – approach to recovery. Though I have a whole album to remind me of the past, I can still start destroying old memories one at a time. I burned some things yesterday. I recommend a clear, sunny day. Otherwise, it might be too much to handle.

I need a new subject for my art, someone that will recognize my appreciation. I’ve obviously gone too far overhead, otherwise, I would have some company. Now, I’ve seen too much, to go back. There’s no way to tell, how it happens. How the truest feelings, are just as guilty as the lies. Opposites, and irony, point me in every direction, but where I’m trying to go. Even this entry has made me more anxious. How is it, that someone can do their best, and be in the 99th percentile, yet fail miserably? God rest their souls, Challenger. It’s about so much more than my subconscious desire to fail at love and money. It’s about the fury of nature, churning behind a façade of harmony, and about the effort to control it, and fail.

2004-09-17 8:00am

Ivan swept down my street around eight last night. The winds didn’t claim any trees as far as I can see this morning, but there are branches everywhere. During the gustiest moments, I enjoyed a fine Bass ale and entertained my roommate and neighbors with songs from the King of Hearts. I haven’t played that much, since the release, and it felt good to play as hard, and sing as loud as I could amidst the deafening winds. My sister missed out, though I tried to get her there. She finally called me, and I walked to her house to get her. By the time we got back to the porch, it was all but over.

Later that night, we watched the Cure, Staring at the Sea, videos. I’m a fan of the music, though I have to say the videos are a bit bland since the advent of modern technology has spoiled the eyes. Still, there is a clear progression from there earlier videos to the later, starting with four apathetic young men, hardly moving to the beat, and progressing to flamboyant episodes with big unkempt hair, bright red lipstick, and emotive expressions.

2004-09-16 9:29am

Two weeks since the album release and I've been working on a new project. I call it No Project. Surprisingly enough, it's kept me pretty busy. It has helped ease the transition of working 12+ hours/day on the album, to barely listening to it. Handmade albums do eat up a large chunk of time, but I've only made five so far. The rest of the time is spent tidying my game, and contemplating the bills.

Ooh, it's finally starting to downpour. Hurricane Ivan made landfall this morning, and I've been following its progress, because there's usually no construction work to be had when it's raining. With my boss's week long vacation last month, and all of the recent hurricane activity, I've managed to miss two, going on three, weeks of work. At $10 an hour and nearly $1000/month in bills, there's not enough hour. Plus, I can usually get everything done in 25-35 hours/week. I've always had to find extra income, but even I'm feeling the impact from hurricanes. Nothing like kissing the eye-wall, but I owe people some money.

I wonder, is it easy to chase hurricanes? Do you need special permits? I read that highways are changed to one way evacuation routes. I love Athens weather, but every once in a while I'd like to see some real momentum, the kind of natural power that can even impede runaway capitalism, really though, no politics. Homework today: Find a way to lose your patience at least once (like you really have to look *sarcasm*).